This trip has been the most incredible experience that I have ever had, without question. I've learned so much about life, love, and myself. I've formed relationships that will last forever, I've worked harder than I ever have before, and I've faced truths about myself that I've been running from for far too long. All of these things are a part of what this trip is about. Learning, growing, and changing. With the help and guidance of everyone here with me, I've made realizations about myself and my life, and I want those things that I've been hiding from, to disappear. I now know that I can make that happen. I've faced fears, had new experiences, and tried new things. It has all been so wonderful, I feel so blessed to have had this opportunity.
Even before we left, I knew that this experience would take me out of my comfort zone, and require things of me that I didn't know that I was capable of. For example, I didn't know that I was capable of building a house, yet that was the project we had, so that's what we did. Now, because of that, our wonderful boys have a roof to sleep under. It provides shelter for them, and a place that they can call their own. For all of the boys, it is their first real bed.Something that they never knew that they would have. For us, a bed is guaranteed. It truly is something that we take for granted, something that we never give a second thought to, never realize how lucky we are to have that. There are plenty of those seemingly unimportant things that we don't realize how much someone in need would give to have what we do.
Regarding new experiences and trying new things, I have done more of that in the past two weeks than ever in my life! I have bargained for prices, I have tried new foods, I put my feet in a tank full of fish that eat the dead skin and bacteria off of your feet for goodness sakes! Some of those things were scary for me, like bargaining for prices. I tend to be very shy towards people I don't know, so to challenge what they were asking for within the first two sentences of talking to them was definitely uncomfortable for me. By the end of it, I had gotten pretty used to it, maybe even good at it. There were also experiences that were simply amazing, like talking to So Piep. So Piep is a 29 year old man who lives at the orphanage and is blind. He lost his sight in a minefield explosion when he was young. His older brother also was killed, which is just as tragic as him losing his sight. So Piep is also one of the most talented musicians that I know, and it was really cool to see how he could be a music teacher and be so great at what he does. Since I had never talked to someone who was blind before, having a conversation with him was new for me, and hearing about his life and his story was incredible to me, and I'm so glad that I had the chance to learn about him.
In terms of realizations made within myself, there is so much that I could say that I don't even know where to begin. I have realized that I am proud, stubborn, and can seem very standoffish. I have also learned that I have untapped potential, and I've just been to afraid to find it within myself. I've faced things about myself that I've been running from for my whole life. I won't tell you about them right now, it's a difficult topic for me, and would take much too much time to explain. If you really are interested in that, you can ask me once I'm home, I'll tell you about it. Through it, though, I've learned that I need to stop trying to please everyone. I should live my life for me, and be the person that I truly am, not the person that people want me to be. I can't live my life for everyone but me, I have to stay true to myself, even if it means that I lose something, or someone, that I care about. But if they don't want to be a part of my life because they found out who I REALLY am, then I didn't need them in my life anyways. I'm so excited to make that transition from fake to authentic, I have a feeling that I'll be much happier that way.
In terms of relationships I've formed, I really don't even know how to express to you just how many relationships I've created, or how incredibly strong they are. Each and every child at the orphanage has become a brother or sister of mine, and I will carry all of them in my heart. Then there are the bonds and connections that have come to be with a few certain kids. The kids who I will think of throughout every minute of every day for the rest of my life. First, there is Houen. Houen is now 17 years old, and in the beginning I was kind of afraid to talk to him because I didn't know if it would be strange for me to approach him because he was older than me. Eventually, I got past that and I'm so glad I did. Though he may have intimidated me a little bit in the beginning, as I got to know him more and more, I got to see how he is really just a sweetheart. There were a lot of the kids on the trip who didn't think that Houen would cry when it was time for us to say goodbye, and they were surprised when he was one of the first few to do so. I wasn't surpised at all. After getting to know him, I knew that he was more open than most people expected, maybe because that's how people are in America, very reserved with their feelings. He is also one of the greatest dancers I have ever seen, and I will always remember just how talented he is, and he will always be in my thoughts, and always be there in my heart. Then, there is my beautiful boy, Nirot. I originally just watched him from a distance as well, he was always going going going. He went to every one of the kids on our trip, and within the first day, he would be teaching them sword fighting routines. He was always so happy, just looking at how content HE was made me happy. We didn't really interact all that much until the day I brought in Nikko's gift. From that point on, something had clicked. We interacted a lot, and talked more, and he would teach me bits and pieces of Khmer, (even though there was some that I still don't know the meaning of) and I would be endlessly writing him cards and notes. Every day I think about him, and I will continue to for the rest of my life. He is my beautiful boy; I will never forget him, and I have a feeling that he won't forget me either.
So while I'm here in South Korea, my (first) journey to Cambodia is ending. However, my journey as a person has barely begun, and I'm so excited to see where it takes me! Although I am so sad to have left the country that has become home to me, I look forward to seeing you all and telling you all about it!
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